It's Been Three Years...

Three years ago today, I started this blog. 

That's pretty mind-boggling.

I had high expectations. I'm not going to lie. I didn't meet many of them, and I'm slowly becoming okay with that. My life has changed so much in these last three years, in huge part because of this blog. But, it's also changed a lot outside of it.

I'm going to talk a bit about that last part today. 

Because February is a weird month for me. It's a month that marks three different pivotal moments in my life. One, is this blog. The second is the three year anniversary of my childhood best friend and I parting ways (not amicably). It also, and most importantly, marks a promise I made to myself, and one I've kept to this day. 

So, for this three year blog anniversary, I'm going to do a bit of talking. Just a bit though. You see, talking isn't really my thing. I know, there's some people who just read that line and started laughing out loud. "CIARA!" They're saying, "you talk ALL THE TIME." That's true. I can be a bit of a chatterbox. I can be loud. I have a lot to say. I just have a lot of trouble saying it, sometimes.

My mom once said that I "over-compensate." I talk a lot and loudly so no one will ask me actual questions. I don't know if she even remembers saying that, but it's always stuck with me because it is so accurate. I don't like talking about my feelings. I don't like talking about things that upset me. The words get stuck between my teeth and my lips and I never have the courage or will to push them past there.

I've opened up a little bit over the last few years here. The most in my post in November about depression and important books. And, I'm not going to do much more than that today. The hardest thing in the world is to talk when something is wrong. It's something I've struggled with my whole life. Asking questions, admitting I don't know the answer, makes me feel ill. It has since childhood. But I know it's important. I know talking helps. I know talking is the only way to break a stigma I've been dealing with for almost nine years. But I'm not ready. Not just yet. 

So today, on my three year blog anniversary, I'm going to be talking about books on mental health. It's a subject I think is so so important and I champion these books as much as I can. But, and I just realized this recently, I don't read a lot of them. I always get excited to read them, buy them when they come out, but then they sit on my shelf because I'm too scared to pick them up. I don't know if I can handle seeing myself reflected in them. I don't know how I'll react to them.  I used to read them all the time without worry, back when I was way worse off than now. But, there's something that's stopping me this time. Something I need to overcome.

Because, they're important. They're impacting and powerful and heart-breaking and real. So, I'm going to make it a goal this year to read all those books about mental health I have sitting on my shelf. I'm going to see if they help me again, like they did years ago. And maybe one day, I'll be able to talk about my struggles. I hope one day I can. But, for now, I'll talk about one of the most important things in my life: books.

Here are a couple of my favourites, and even more on my TBR:

Fall For Anything/This is Not a Test by Courtney Summers

(My Review of This is Not a Test)

- I'll champion these books (and all of Courtney's books) until everyone I know has read them, because they are so important. They are honest and real and unflinching. They are the kind of books that help people. 

Saving Francesca/The Piper's Son by Melina Marchetta

- If we're talking about books that have impacted me the most, Saving Francesca is incredibly high on that list. It broke my heart because it so closely reflected the hardships people with mental illness (and people with family struggling with mental illness) face. One of the most beautiful books I've ever read, and The Piper's Son was a stunning follow-up.

 

Dr. Bird's Advice for Sad Poets by Evan Roskos

- Tackles the issue of depression with grace and heart. This book is so underrated, in my opinion. It really is amazing.

 

Falling Into Place by Amy Zhang

- My favourite read last year, and one that handled the complexities of mental illness with skill and unflinching honesty. This book was not pretty, but messy and hard and realistic. Also beautifully written.

 

The Program/The Treatment by Suzanne Young

(My review of The Program)

- Heart-breaking in every way, this duology was stunning.

Mind Games/Perfect Lies by Kiersten White

(My review of Mind Games)

- This beautiful, stunning, heart-breaking series tackles depression and PTSD and by God, does Kiersten White do it well. 

 

Incarnate/Asunder/Infinite by Jodi Meadows

(My review of Incarnate, Asunder)

- Although not completely focused on this, the Newsoul trilogy addresses the affects of abuse and it is as heart-breaking as it is powerful. 

Pretty Girl-13 by Liz Coley

- We read this for book club and you could tell how deeply it affected everyone. It was an intense read.

 

Crash Into You by Katie McGarry

- I had to feature Crash Into You because it hits so close to home for me. Rachel, the main character, suffers from severe anxiety. At the time I was reading this, my anxiety had manifested itself in a stomach illness, much like Rachel in this novel. Anxiety isn't one of those mental illness topics I read about a lot, and I loved the way it was handled in this novel.

Impulse by Ellen Hopkins

- This was one of the first books I read about mental illness and it has stayed with me for almost seven years. Ellen Hopkins is brutal, but in such a good way. 

And here is a list of just a few of the books I have on my TBR:

Books I Own 

My Heart and Other Black Holes by Jasmine Warga

Riders of the Apocalypse Series by Jackie Morse Kessler

It's Kind of a Funny Story by Ned Vizzini

Wintergirls by Laurie Halse Anderson

All the Bright Places by Jennifer Niven

The Impossible Knife of Memory by Laurie Halse Anderson

This Song Will Save Your Life by Leila Sales

Books To Be Released

Finding Audrey by Sophie Kinsella 

Not After Everything by Michelle Levy

Books I Plan To Borrow/Buy/Read

Forgive Me, Leonard Peacock by Matthew Quick

Wild Awake by Hilary T. Smith

I Was Here by Gayle Forman

The Last Time We Say Goodbye by Cynthia Hand

Pointe by Brandi Colbert

Charm & Strange/Complicit by Stephanie Kuehn

I may have trouble talking about THINGS but these authors don't. Here are some moving and important posts by authors and bloggers about mental illness.

Kelly Jensen's Post on Reading While Depressed

Stephanie Perkins' Post "Where My Head is At"

Myra McEntire's Post "The Shame of Depression"

Courtney Summer's Post on Writing Cracked Up to Be

 
Do you guys have some suggestions? Any books I really need to add to my list? Let me know!

- Ciara (Lost at Midnight)

It's My One Year Blogoversary! *throws confetti*

Adorbs.

So, today is the day! It is officially my one year blogoversary! *does a happy dance* I cannot believe it's already been a year and I'm so insanely happy to have made it this far. I was planning on doing a bigger build up but life got in the way. So, instead, I wanted to talk about my favorite part of this crazy blogging experience: you.

Yup, you read that right. YOU are my favorite thing about blogging. You guys who are reading this post right now, be it your first time at my blog or your tenth. You awesome, supportive, and fantastic group of people make all the fist-shaking, head-desking frustration of reviewing worth it. Even one comment makes my day just a little bit brighter. And when I get those really heart-felt ones, well, I want to get all teary. I never expected blogging to bring me this much joy and I'm really thankful for it.

I had a plan for my blogoversary, and although I scrapped it because I was simply not ready I wanted to say this. I'm really grateful for blogging and for everyone that's ever supported me in it. I really needed this, and every time I thought it wasn't very good, I would get messages of encouragement that pushed me to keep going. So, thank you for that. 

A little thank-you to my good friends who are such a supportive bunch. Lots of my friends don't read, but they've checked out my blog and sent me things like "it's so cool you're doing this!" and which make me smile. You guys rock. *sends out squishy huggles* 

One thing I've really loved about blogging was meeting tons of AH-MAZING bloggers out there. Seriously, you guys are just simply some of the best people I've ever met. Avery, Giselle, Ardo, Jen, Christa, Andrea, Michele, Ashley (and lots more!) you guys have absolutely rocked my socks and I'm so glad to get to chat with you all. To my fellow Team Tod For Afterlife members and Gansey lovers Chandra and Liz. I have loved all our excited, gushing talks about our favourite Reaper and that crazy Raven Boy. You two make blogging and Twitter so much fun, and I cannot wait until we get to meet up and chat in person this March. Thanks to Lucy for all the enthusiastic messages, constant support, and being one crazy awesome person. And to every single one of you that I've ever chatted with: thank you. Every single tweet, comment, or email makes me want to hug my laptop. 

Also, to all the authors out there who commented, followed, responded, and retweeted anything I sent out: you have no idea how much that means to me. Your books have inspired me and brought me more joy than I could ever express. And truly THANK YOU for doing what you do, and for being so kind to a little blogger like me. It would take me ages to talk about all the authors I love, but seriously you guys are fantabulous. I do want to thank a couple though. Thanks to Jeri Smith-Ready for creating the amazing Shade series, and being such a dedicated author. I'm so proud to be a part of Team Kilt and to have had many of chats with you. I also want to thank Lesley Livingston for pointing at me and saying "Trinity College sweater!" and giving me a hug. I was seriously petrified there and you made me feel a million times better. To Jodi Meadows and Kiersten White for the crazy twitter conversations (and for writing insanely amazing books) and to Nova Ren Suma for being so enthused about being on my blog! In particular, I want to thank Courtney Summers. Your books are honest to goodness beautiful and have had a huge impact on me (more than I can probably ever say). So thank you for being an awesome writer, for being so insanely kind (and for recognizing me!) when we met, and for being really responsive to all my crazy tweets. It means so so much to me.

To the awesome Ottawa Bloggers: thanks for being so welcoming to this newbie blogger (guess I can't call myself that anymore, huh?) To Emilie for inviting me to meet up and borrow Fever this time last year and all those times we gushed about Logan Quinn and Adrian. To Katie because we hardly agree on anything (especially music) but we always manage to have awesome chats. To Meaghan for all our funny texts including those, shall we say, not entirely coherent ones and being so much fun to be around. And to Kathy for all your enthusiasm and knowledge and for all the awesome books you've lent me haha!

And, saving the long-winded one for the end: to my bestest bestie Crimson. Can you believe it's over four years since we started talking? I was trying to figure out an exact date but couldn't find it (although, I did find that we 283 pages of notes on the Chapters community o.O). Since then, we've discovered our twin-ness, our love of swooning horses, our hatred of poor grammar (and our amusement at calling each other out on it), our confused feeling when we don't talk for more than a day, "the face", and how amusing it is to type in ALL CAPS LOCK at each other (side note: LOTR is still better than HP). But, one of the things I want to thank you for most is being your "pocket Crimson" self all those times I really needed it. For listening when we barely knew each other and for telling me I would be okay all those times when I didn't think I would be. I will forever be grateful for that. Even though we've only met in person that one time (and we both were insanely awkward turtles) I consider you to be one of my very best friends. And I'm super proud that I got to be your very first reader (and stake my claim on Miles from the get go). So yup, thank you. And to make this a little bit lighter: have you sent out a query today, Crimson? :D

And finally, to every single person that has ever clicked on my blog: thank you. I really truly appreciate it. *HUGGLES FOR YOU ALL*

P.S. I'm really lucky to get to share my blogoversary with the release date of one of my favorite books MIND GAMES by Kiersten White! You guys neeeeeed to pick this book up. It's spectacular! Read why here!

- Ciara (Lost at Midnight)